She sits across from me and talks joyfully about her life. She is waiting to begin her internship as the final step to becoming a pharmacist. At the same time, she continues to volunteer at two organizations. From all signs, she has a life that is almost picture perfect. And then she quietly reveals, “I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety …” and later in the interview she shares that she has attempted suicide twice.
Reisa Roberts is not ashamed to talk about her struggles although she told Stabroek Weekend it was the first time she had done so in the mainstream media. She has addressed the issue that affects so many people on her Facebook page. While she was nervous, she believes it is important and a must-have conversation.
“I think it’s always been there … it’s not something you’re aware of until it actually starts [to manifest] and to me who started coming out [in] the last part of my first and second years [of university], ”She said of her depression.
She remembers that she was always the funny one in her group of friends; the one who was quick to make a joke or open to unloading, but she wasn’t one to share her issues.
“I used to say I’d fake it until I did it and so if I don’t feel right I would have the attitude that it would pass …,” he said.
Roberts pauses and then shares that she has attempted suicide twice; she struggles and hesitates again.
“I was disgusted with myself and couldn’t find out why. And I know now it’s because I didn’t want to face some things. I didn’t want to admit some things to myself, but at that moment I wanted the feeling to stop … I wanted to get out …, ”he said.
In an effort to help himself move past the time Roberts got a hand tattoo of a butterfly and a semi-colon; her friends have given her a band and chain with a pendant representing the tattoo. The semicolon indicates that there is more to come with the butterfly, a new sense of growth.
“It got to a point where my depression was much bigger than I was … I couldn’t hide it anymore,” she said. “I was having more panic attacks. I was on campus and had to take a break because I could feel myself panicking. I would feel like my heart was palpitating, my palms would get really wet, my pores were starting to rise, and I would have this fear that something was going to happen, and I don’t know what it is … ”
At times she felt trapped and while she was breathing she felt like she couldn’t breathe. There were times when she had to leave public transport just to calm herself down.
Roberts says that after a while, she continued to suffer and decided to openly address the issue on Facebook not only to herself but to others as well. It was after one of those jobs that her mother decided she needed therapy and even though she knew someone, Roberts eventually had to make that decision to access the help.
It took her a while to reach out, but she eventually did. Roberts was put on antidepressants and hated it because she felt like it was a cure, it made her worse because at one point she couldn’t sleep. When her medication changed she was sleeping all the time.
“It was too much, and I felt it wasn’t particularly helpful because I was still just going through dying. I felt the easiest way out was to just take me out and then … my mum wouldn’t have to worry about me … ”she said.
She came off the medication and was joined in the therapy sessions by her mother and brother. For a while she knew her mother felt guilty because she didn’t know what was going on.
“Girl, I hid it well. I used to be out in these streets acting…, ”he says with a gentle laugh.
Conscious
“One of my strongest support now is my mother. I can go at any time if I feel like I’m having a depression episode and I don’t know what’s going on … and he’d sit on the bed and he would catch me and say it’s okay we could talk about it…, ”Roberts shares.
Her mother, who said she didn’t grow up hearing about mental health issues and being of an older generation, has accepted that she has a mental health issue. He didn’t tell her to pray out and that has helped her in the journey.
She recalls that when she first mentioned the issue, one sister tried to ask her to go to the minister to pray for her, and says that although she believes in prayer she also knows that she needs professional help no. the minister could have given it.
Today, Roberts would not say she has overcome her mental health illness, but it is a work in progress and there are times when she will have to take a break to re-group.
“But I’m so blessed with the women in my life, with the friends I have. I am so blessed. I constantly tell them that they don’t even know how much they’ve saved me …, ”he said.
Her friends take time to talk to her when she needs it, and others would even pick her up when she calls.
“I don’t think I would have been here without the kindness I had from friends in primary school to friends I met two days ago,” he said. “They’ve been so supportive of me just telling them I need a break. Even at work now they are aware that I suffer from depression and at any time I could message and say I needed some time and they would say, ‘ok, is there anything that you need? ‘ ”
She believes that making her circle aware of what she was going through helped her, like before she went days in depression mode fighting for herself, but now there are others who are n fight with and for her.
Volunteering
Talking about her life as a volunteer, Roberts says growing up as a Seventh Day Adventist that she volunteered as a child as part of the Adventure and Pathfinder clubs.
“I believe [being in the clubs] I wanted to do more and while I was at Pathfinder, I started volunteering at the Red Cross Restoration Home, ”she said. The home is just around the corner from Olivet Seventh-day Adventist Church, which he attended.
This moved her and her friends to volunteer at the Millicent Greaves Memorial Elder Residence. She remembers an elderly member of the church, whom she fondly calls ‘Granny’, and wanting to cheer her up led to working with the other residents giving hampers and doing manicures and treatment.
Working on a project at the Guyana Human Rights Society upon her return from St Lucia where she spent a year attending medical school is where the passion for volunteering really began.
“It opened me up to a whole different world that I hadn’t thought about or experienced,” she said.
She later ended up at Guyana Women’s Miners’ Institute (GWMO) initially as its secretary (she now manages one of the organization’s projects) which meant she was the first person to meet with those seeking help by the organization and the passion increased.
Although she worked with the organization, Roberts said, she decided to volunteer her free time with her Social Services Unit. Referring to herself as a “grown-up child”, Roberts says she is quick to engage with children and so her support goes much further than just helping children in communities but actually forming relationships with them.
She recalls that a pregnant 12-year-old was trafficked into work and that, although she may leave the organization professionally, she will continue to volunteer her service for a long time to come. Even as she talks about that particular case, Roberts’ hands tremble, noting how affected she was by the experience of that child who has come a long way since then.
“They have been able to show me the true meaning of volunteering which is … I’m coming to help you and I can help five others left … and helping a generation develop and I can also help your community develop,” she said of working with the organization.
While she was born and raised in Georgetown her family comes from Region One and for her it is worthwhile to work in that region and help the women in those communities.
She also volunteers with the organisation’s secure home and sometimes sleeps with the residents as they try to get some kind of normality especially in the children’s lives.
Roberts also volunteers with Health Adventures and Sexual Reproductive Rights (SRHR), an initiative that aims to raise awareness of sexual and reproductive health and rights with a special focus on family planning / contraception in Guyana. She answered SRHR’s call for volunteers by stating that talking to teens about sex is important and instead of preaching abstinence she wants to talk about safe sex.
“I love being part of SRHR because it’s an organization that tackles so many taboo topics,” she said, adding that it helps women to speak openly about these issues.
During her third year at university, however, Roberts was forced to take a break from both institutions as she felt she couldn’t give what was needed and instead of giving up sub-bar work she wanted time for my “Repair so I can help others”.
“I’m going to be a pharmacist, but I would still be so involved in social services. Because definitely you can have a correlation between health and social services, ”he said.
If you are struggling with depression and need someone to talk to, you can call the Ministry of Public Health’s ‘Safe Space’ helpline at 655-7233 or any of the numbers below for assistance.